Kevin Liu

Hello world. These are my first words typed on my new Freewrite Smart Typewriter, yet I feel oddly uninspired. I am currently typing on a plastic ((?) table, bought at a Costco nearby. The device was wobbling, as the surface was uneven. I recently learned why. One point makes a dot, a single dimension. Two points make a line, two dimensions. Three points of contact make a specific plane. If you throw in another point, but it's not on the same plane, it wobbles. I am still getting used to this device, so I am not typing especially fast or doing any of the fancy shortcuts that I expect are common. Actually, I went ahead and pulled out my spare deskmat/deskpad - the one I used for college, where it['s a MX switch (keyboard switch) on the moon with an astronaut dog by it, floating in the small amount of gravity. I bought this as a means of improving my writing and practicing using my left hand. Two days ago, I went to Costco to pick out glasses with my new prescription. The worker seemed busy and reasonably modern - maybe in the range of 50-65 years old. He would have been around during the information revolution, maybe even having a old desktop at home. Despite that, he typed with his two index fingers and pressed enter with his index finger. I know my current abilities are not the worst thing in the world. I can eat, sleep, walk (with a cane and brace, technically can stumble along without either), and my brain still works at a good rate (source: understanding graduate electrical and computer engineering courses, chess, etc). However, my standards as a 24 year old are different. I should be more involved with society. I am home most of the time, and the times I go ou0t are for exercise ((rarely in winter), errands (shopping and stuff), and medical appointments. This typewriter is functioning well, but I notice sometimes it's a bit slow to display - which may be a benefit as I type really slow now. I'm committed to using proper touch typing fingering despite all the errors and frustration it causes. Anyway, back toi the matter at hand - I am feeling both grateful and guilty. I am one of those cancer patients that basically needs supervision all the time. I used to just be a seizure risk, which was resolved by my medication. I am now both a seizure risk and a fall risk, and my recent seizures have showed me that my brain REALLY doesn't like excess stimulation. For my first adventure on the "Smart Typewriter," I just wanted to ramble and hit at least 1,000 words. I feel like this is another thing, seeing myself bounce back and forth between the subject of my emotions, goals, snapping back to the present, then thinking about what the hell I'm doing again. If I didn't have cancer, I would probably be working. Honestly, I'd probably be seeing my friends a lot more, going on trips, gettiog higher ranks in video games. I'd run the Turkey Trot 5K depite the rain, because it's a tradition - I even ran the year I had brain surgery, because my body was recovered pretty well. But I did have a seizure at the end of 2021. And all the things that I could control, I did as best I could. Everyone calls me brave, resilient, and some other fancy words I don't know the meaning of. But in my daily life, I just have to do those things - taking pills, drawing blood, infusing medications every few weeks. Despite the bleak outlook that my life is mortal danger, I still have things I want to do. Is it greedy to want stuff? And I'm not saying fame or fortune, but like - how do I say this. The only way I can think of framing this is : I know there are people who are worse off than me; but I am tolerating my cancer well for the almost 1 year after treatment, so can it just chill? Is it greedy to want a normal boring life, where I get married and then rent a place and complain about my job or traffic that day? Is it greedy to want to travel? Okay, I kind of get that one, international travel is an immense privilege that many take for granted. Airplanes are a massive feat of engineering. The good thing about cancer (smallest silver lining known to man) is that you realize how life is. Like people have been really vocal about hopes and praying for me, which I appreciate, but in the beginning, prior to surgery, it clicked. Something shifted in my perspective, and I can't really describe it. Obviously I don't want to die. I should clarify. I don't want to die soon (this graph is not linear, the next 10 years will be more important). It's not that I fear death, but I fear the emotional rollercoaster my death will bring. Some of you reading this will think, "this guys ego is insane!" But I am the calm and collected type and I don't know that many people, but the people I know I am dearly close with. Like I mentioned, I'm only 24 - the age where my friends are graduated, getting job promotions, moving, traveling on PTO, and getting engaged. I'm happy for them of course, but I cannot deny my envy. My days were filled with graduate courses and homework (and gaming, if I had free time) but now they are filled with a backlog of books, Duolingo, and now writing. And a smattering of exercise if I feel good enough. When I started writing, it felt like this just get stuff off my mind. I don't expect anyone to read the whole thing - 1000 words is a lot. I also have a shiny new website to put my writing on, which is cool. I'd say the Freewrite is a decent device, but my right hand keeps hitting the special key so I need to adjust. Anyway, the goal of 1000 words today has been met. See ya!

Kevin